Wherever You Will Go
by ShelbyLehnsherr
Summary: YAOI. GOJYO/HAKKAI. Takes place just after the Kami-sama arc. The Sanzo-Ikkou is injured and headed for another town. Hakkai is worried that Gojyo might leave again, but Gojyo has no intention on leaving and doesn't know how to convince Hakkai otherwise.
1. Part 1

**Author's Notes: **August and I started writing this immediately after "A Wish" was finished. This story is based off the song "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling. It is such a beautiful song and we figured it fit the story perfectly. This story takes place immediately after the Kami-sama arc. They had just defeated him, and are back on the road again, injured and all. It is in first person again. August wrote for Hakkai, and I wrote for Gojyo as always. This story will be broken up into six parts as well. Enjoy! And positive feedback is appreciated!

**Wherever You Will Go**

* * *

><p><strong>(Hakkai's POV)<strong>

For the first time in what seems like months, it is eerily silent in the Jeep.

I never expect Sanzo to be an avid speaker; my seat mate is antisocial at his very best, and he usually sleeps or simply stares off in the distance, to the west, whenever we travel. It is always Gojyo and Goku who fill the miles with noise, whether it is raucous laughter or defensive bickering. But for once, even Goku has been cowed into silence, and we ride like that for hours.

One would think that our near defeat at the hands of Kami-sama would unite us as a group, bring about a sense of camaraderie that we usually skirt around when thrown together, but it hasn't. Sanzo refuses to acknowledge our existence, and any time Goku so much as ventures a question, he is greeted by quick gunfire and a steely glare from the surly monk.

Even I can't look at Gojyo in the rearview mirror; I feel his eyes on the back of my neck. Anytime I so much as begin to, I'm jolted back into reality by the memory of his departure. He left and never said a word. Just made his bed and took off on his own twisted rescue mission. Though it makes me seem like a spoiler child, I can't help but be angry with him. He vanished without a trace for days, while I fretted over the fact that I forgot to leave a note telling him I was going to the market back when we lived in the village. It wasn't fair for him to do these things; to act like he was the only one who mattered and that he could just do this without anyone caring. He didn't understand how much his absence mattered to us, mattered to me, and I don't think he ever quite will. I'm living on edge now; even though I don't want to be, because even though he's come back, what's to keep him from leaving again?

* * *

><p><strong>(Gojyo's POV)<strong>

I shoulda known they'd come after me.

And lemme tell ya, they did not look very happy to see me. Not at all.

Especially, Hakkai.

I had good (at least, I thought they were good) reasons for leavin'. That Kami-sama bastard killed Kinkaku and his brother Ginkaku, for no real reason at all. The murder o' anyone is bad n' all, but Christ, they were kids! I still can't wrap my mind around how someone could have the balls to kill. 'Course Kami-sama was a pretty twisted son of a bitch. He got what was comin' to him that's for sure. Wish I coulda done more, but he's gone now.

Good fuckin' riddance.

But now, I got other things to worry about. No sense in dwellin' on the past, I suppose…

He hasn't looked at me once. Four hours of drivin' and he doesn't spare me so much as a glance. Guess he has a decent reason and all, but I'm beginnin' to wonder how long its gonna take for him to get over it.

It would be stupid for me to ask myself 'Why does he care so much'? He's my best friend, so why would he not be worried?

I can't stop myself from lookin' at him, even though its only the back of his head. I would try and start a conversation, but he'd probably give me some smart ass response, or not bother sayin' anything.

I don't even have the will to argue with Goku, and that's sayin' a lot. All I can do is watch him and the monk have the occasional back-and-forth, and that only keeps me amused for so long.

The sudden stop of the Jeep jerks me uncomfortably forward, only makin' my already sore muscles hurt even worse. I just caught the gist of the current conversation.

Apparently the monkeys roomin' with Sanzo tonight.

That means Hakkai is with me.

Great…

* * *

><p><strong>-End of Part One-<strong>


	2. Part 2

**Wherever You Will Go – Part Two**

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><p><strong>(Hakkai's POV)<strong>

We stop at an inn and unload, piling out of the Jeep as gracefully as possible with sore muscles and stiff joints. I'm praying that Sanzo will, for once, push Gojyo and Goku together. Though I usually manipulate the circumstances to room with Gojyo, I can't tonight. It's been difficult enough not speaking to him in the Jeep; I can only imagine what will happen when we're sharing a room. He seems completely unphased as always, while I'm nearly sick with the thought.

"C'mon, Goku." Sanzo says, and immediately I know that he means to room with our youngest member. It shouldn't come as a surprise, really, try as he might to deny it, Sanzo radiates toward Goku in the same way I unconsciously move toward Gojyo.

They amble off together, and I hear Goku start to wail about being hungry before the door slams shut.

And then we're alone.

The ground is terribly interesting all of a sudden; a scuff of dirt on my shoe becomes engrossing. I shouldn't care this much; Gojyo has always done what he wants, even before we started the journey west. His life has been so solitary that it comes as a surprise that he even bothers with me at all. I shouldn't care that he left, that he didn't tell anyone, didn't tell /me/, but I do. We're such opposites, he and I. I worry over everything and everyone, and he merely laughs it off.

But I know now that isn't true. I suppose I've always been aware of the fact that his seemingly careless attitude was mere bravado and nothing more; there's something in his eyes that betrays him. By leaving to find Kami-sama, he's only added another chink to that armor of his, and slowly, I'm noticing it more and more.

I do glance up at him then, shielding my own anxiety behind a plastic smile. It's such an automatic gesture that it hardly seems real at all.

"Well," I say, because I am always the one to speak first in situations like this. "I suppose we should find our room. You need your rest."

* * *

><p><strong>(Gojyo's POV)<strong>

"C'mon, Goku…"

I watched Goku as he happily trailed behind baldy, continuing to pester him in his usual, annoying sing-song voice. Even though Hakkai and I aren't exactly on speaking terms, it woulda been hella rude for me to protest sharin' a room with 'em. We've never really fought over anything before, now that I think about it…unless I misplace my cigarette butts in one of my empty beer cans…

I got outta the Jeep, not really lookin' forward to bein' stuck alone with him. I don't know what to say, and I'm sure he doesn't know what to say either. For now, I stay quiet, watching Hakruyu change back into his dragon form and fly over to Hakkai only to land on his shoulder.

Hakkai turns to me when he reaches the entryway of the inn, Hakruyu chirping noisily in his ear. I'm frozen in my tracks.

Is he going to say something?

He smiles, but I can tell there is no emotion behind it.

He was one manipulative bastard.

"Well, I suppose we should find out room. You need your rest."

There was venom in his tone. I can hear it. I didn't bother saying anythin' as I strode past him. What could I really say to that? I know if I was going to say anything, it'd probably come out wrong or make me sound like a total dick.

But, considering everything…

I was a pretty big dick.

* * *

><p><strong>-End of Part Two-<strong>


	3. Part 3

**Wherever You Will Go – Part Three**

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><p><strong> (Hakkai's POV)<strong>

He doesn't say a word, just strides past me and into the inn. It stings more that it should; this obvious rift between us, and I feel the sudden urge to apologize to him. I've done nothing wrong, but it feels like I have. I should fix this, make it right, but I don't know how. We've never fought before, not like this, and I don't know how to cope wit this silence.

I didn't expect myself to be quite so affected by this entire ordeal, though I've always needed the normalcy that Gojyo brings to my life. It is only now that I realize just how dependent I am on him. It's sadly ironic, how things have changed. Kanan was the overwhelming presence in my life for so long, but slowly, Gojyo has taken her place. I see red eyes instead of green, a cocky smirk instead of a mournful smile. He doesn't know, he can never know, no matter how true it is.

The door to our room clicks shut and we're alone. It's just like any other room we've stayed in; same twin beds with threadbare sheets; same rickety furniture; same single window with a poor view. The monotony of it is enough to drive anyone mad, and now more than ever, I only want to go home.

Hakruyu flees his perch on my shoulder with a chirp and lands on the bed by the window, claiming it as ours. Even though I'm nearly faint with exhaustion, I dread sleep. It's impossible to remain aware of Gojyo's movements then, and more than anything, I fear the possibility of waking up to find Gojyo gone again.

* * *

><p><strong>(Gojyo's POV) <strong>

The entire walk to the room was silent.

And that was somethin' that was really gettin' on my fuckin' nerves.

I was so used to just bein' able to talk to him, and now, doin' that was damn near impossible. Hakruyu claims the bed closest to the window, knowing that was the one I usually went for. Now, there was no room to object, so I put my bag down on the bed closest to the door.

Hakkai wandered over to the bed, sat down and began petting Hakruyu.

Even though he acted all content, I could see that he wasn't.

Now seemed the perfect time for a shower.

I dug through the tattered bag I'd brought along with me, hopin' it'll last this entire journey. I only could fit about three outfits inside, and we rarely got the opportunity to do laundry. I removed a white tank top and some regular black, cotton pants…the usual shit I wore to bed.

I departed to the bathroom without saying anything.

I gave us a good twenty minutes apart.

But I doubt he'd be singin' a different tune after only twenty minutes.

Emerging from the bathroom, I tugged a hand through my hair, seeing that Hakkai was no longer on the bed, but standing by the window.

I didn't expect him to speak.

"Gojyo, I just want to know one thing…"

Okay. Shoot.

"…Why?"

I was stunned. I could find no words. My lips wouldn't move. My brain could not process a single thought.

When nothing was said between us for a good ten seconds, he continued.

I never thought Hakkai was capable of getting angry.

* * *

><p><strong>(Hakkai's POV)<strong>

I can't bear the silence.

Gojyo retreats to the safety of the bathroom, and I know he only wants to have some time alone. It isn't surprising, really; when it comes to confrontation, Gojyo deals with it nearly as poorly as I do. When the door shuts, I heave a sigh, shoulders slumping in defeat. I can't let this drag on much longer; I need to fix this.

I hear the shower turn on and twenty minutes later, I hear it screech off. Even I'm not aware of how I passed those twenty minutes; one moment I was sitting on the bed and the next I'm standing by the window, suddenly furious. He can't do this to me, it isn't fair. He can't do this to me without some sort of consequence. The anger I usually keep locked up tight is bubbling to the surface and it frightens me, honestly. My hands are shaking, so I stuff them into my pockets in the hopes of keeping them hidden.

"Gojyo, I just want to know one thing…" The words are coming fast and strong, and I can't stop them.

/Why why why why why./

"…Why?"

He's silent, and I can see it in his face that he's even a little offguard. I don't confront in such an outright manner, especially not with him, but this time I can't help it. When he doesn't speak, I barrel on.

"What possessed you to believe that…that your departure would go unnoticed? What sort of delusion twisted your mind into believing that we would be better off without you?" My voice is rising steadily, and I take a deep breath to calm it. "Do you understand, Gojyo, that you could have been killed?"

* * *

><p><strong>-End of Part Three-<strong>


	4. Part 4

**Wherever You Will Go – Part Four**

* * *

><p><strong>(Gojyo's POV)<strong>

"Do you understand, Gojyo, that you could have been killed?"

Yeah. I knew that. I don't know why I was willin' to sacrifice myself for two punk kids, but I was. There are a lotta things that I have trouble understandin'…

..Like why this was even an issue.

"I just had some personal business to take care of, alright? And I know I coulda been killed. Didn't slow me down."

His expression hardened.

Suddenly, I was fuckin' frightened.

He wasn't gonna take his limiters off, was he?

I guess it really wouldn't matter. I'm already up shit creek without a paddle.

It took me a few seconds to digest everything he said.

/What sort of delusion twisted your mind into believing that we would be better off without you?/

I didn't want to answer that question. Mainly 'cause I didn't have a damn clue.

"Listen Hakkai,"

I don't wanna fight anymore.

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

Only 'cause you guys found me. I don't know where the hell I'd be if you hadn't. Who knows if I'd even be alive.

"You should take your own advice n' get some rest."

As soon as the words left my lips, I began the short trek over to my bed.

It'd be a damn miracle if I managed to get any sleep tonight.

* * *

><p><strong> (Hakkai's POV)<strong>

His words didn't do anything to calm me. If anything, they only made me even angrier. Personal business? I was thankful for the fact that my hands were in my pockets, because I could have very well punched him right then and there. He vanishes without a word and chalks it up to personal business?

/Why why why why why./

I don't want to fight. I'm so tired I could sleep for years, and I have hardly any fight left. I hate this and yet I've started it.

"I'm here now aren't I?"

Yes, but you were here days ago and then you weren't. You were here and then you were gone so quickly. Just like that.

"You should take your own advice n' get some rest."

I can feel the words building almost painfully in my chest, so much pressure my head spins. I can't speak, can only watch him cross to his bed, but then the words are pouring out before I can stop them.

"You may be here now, but what's to say you won't be gone again when I wake up?"

* * *

><p><strong>(Gojyo's POV)<strong>

I'm turnin' down my fuckin' bed when he says that to me.

I ain't gonna leave in the morning.

But…I guess, I see why he'd be afraid of the possibility.

Considerin' I did just leave without sayin' anything.

My fists gripped the sheets tightly as I mulled over my reply. Would he believe me if I said I'd still be here in the morning? Somethin' tells me no. He wouldn't go so far as to practically baby sit me, would he?

"I'm sayin' that."

I finally crawled into bed, pullin' the sheets up to my waist and turning to face away from him. It hurt me to even look at him. I felt like nothing I said would help 'em to believe that I would stay.

My business is done.

I got no more excuses to leave.

Not that me havin' business outside of the journey was a good excuse. This was spontaneous business. I didn't even see the shit comin' until the Kami-sama reared his pretty little head.

"Hakkai," The words came out soft. "Just sleep."

* * *

><p><strong>-End of Part Four-<strong>


End file.
